The Caffeine Junkie’s Diet

I need to diet.  I know I do.  I want to, I really do.  I have a closet full of really cute clothes that I’d love to wear but can’t.  Even things that used to be big on me are now tight.  Sigh.  I was skinny my whole life without even trying, but the curse of being over 40 and a mom of 4 has finally found me, and no matter what I do (okay, honestly, I don’t do that much, but I also don’t think I overindulge either & I eat mostly healthy things) I cannot lose even the first 5 lbs. of the 20 I’d like to see go.

But every freaking time I think I’ll try a new diet, it always starts out with this caveat:  No caffeine.  Excuse me???  WTF does caffeine have to do with weight loss?  Okay, I would agree that caffeine is probably not particularly healthy.  But I also don’t particularly care.  I don’t see why I should be relegated to fatness just because I refuse to give up my coffee and Diet Dr. Pepper.  I don’t drink that many.  Well, usually.  But I am a caffeine addict.  There is probably more caffeine than blood in my blood.  And to go cold turkey….I’ve tried ….even just cutting down leads to an overall ill feeling.  My head stays fuzzy all day.  And inevitably it will cause headaches or even trigger a migraine.  And I don’t need any more of those, thanks. Yes, health-fanatic evangelists, I do understand that if I could just get through the withdrawals I would magically feel one hundred percent better and be healthier.  But that’s not going to happen. So…

The thing that really gets me is that most of these diets mandating “no caffeine” will then go on to say that green tea is allowed.  Well I don’t happen to like green tea, or any other kind of tea for that matter.  Dirt water, I call it.  But isn’t tea full of caffeine?  Hypocrites.

All i want to know is, why can’t somebody come up with just one decent diet that is otherwise healthy and chock full of good foods but does not forbid caffeine?  I can stick to anything else.  I love vegetables.  I love beans and rice.  I can live without bread.   It would devastate me to completely cut out potatoes and cheese but I could manage for as long as it took. I don’t even particularly like sweets…except for the occasional dark chocolate craving, but I think that’s allowed….so no prob.  But no caffeine……NO WAY!

I need to conduct a study to find out how many other folks would be interested in my Low-Cal, Veggie-ful, Caffeinated Diet Plan, and if I’m not the only one, then I’m going to have to actually develop it & make millions!

 

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