10 Ways in Which I’m A Bad Parent (and not ashamed of it)

1.  I fix breakfast, pack lunches & (usually) make dinner during the week, but on the weekends, it’s every man for himself. I figure if they’re hungry enough, they will manage to find something to eat. And I hide certain good treats that I want to keep for myself. Don’t pretend you don’t.

2.  I let my kids watch Family Guy, South Park, Aqua Teen Hunger Force & anything else on tv. I watch those shows, and when they were little, didn’t see the harm in having them on since they didn’t understand them anyway. Now that they’re old enough to get most of it, I admit to being  somewhat concerned about inappropriate content, but I think that ship has sailed.

3.  I kind of get a kick out of telling my son’s annoying friend he’s not home (lie) when the kid shows up unannounced & mine doesn’t feel like playing with him. Yes, I know it is wrong to take pleasure in disappointing a little kid. I am a horrid person. But this particular kid is truly intolerable….you have no idea. Guarantee you’d do the same.

4.  I’ve been ignoring my son’s requests to play soccer for a couple of years now. I did the soccer mom thing with my two older boys. Practice every day, games every weekend…..ugh…been there, done that and don’t want to do it again. I did finally sign him up for an after-school soccer camp. Hoping he gets it out of his system.

5.  Unless I’m truly sensing death is near, we don’t go to doctors. Whatever it is will generally clear up within a few days. But you know what? My kids are all fully immunized. Because I’m not a moron.

6.  I rarely check homework. If my kids say they did it, that’s good enough for me. They get good grades and don’t need my help. Besides, with this ridiculous Common Core stuff, we’d only argue about whether they wanted to do it the way they were taught in school or the right way.

7.  I don’t go to PTA meetings…..spare me…..and refuse to participate in school fundraisers. No, nobody I know wants to order a fucking magazine AGAIN this year. Nor do they wish to send me money to sponsor my kids walking around the playground in circles. I won’t ask and it wouldn’t matter if I did.

8.  I tell my kids to brush their teeth every night, but I don’t actually get up to go and make sure they do it. I do occasionally make them breathe on me though, to make sure their breath smells toothpaste-y.

9.  When the first hamster died, we had a proper service and burial in the backyard. The second, third, fourth, etc. got tossed into the trash.

10.  I’ve been known to not mention things that get broken until one of the kids finds it and then they get blamed for it. (But more often it’s the other way around, so fair’s fair).


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