Today was one of my migraine days, so I had taken a pill this afternoon and was trying to sleep it off when my son called and said he was ready to be picked up from school. I threw on the first shorts and top I found lying around on the floor and took off. It was getting close to dinner time, and I sure as hell wasn’t feeling up to doing any cooking, so I was trying to decide what to do about feeding everyone. I thought about stopping by Little Caesar’s on the way home to pick up a couple of pizzas. Then I realized I couldn’t possibly go into Little Caesar’s wearing a tank top with no bra and some sort of stain on the front of it. Not even for the five or less minutes it would take to grab a couple of hot & ready pizzas. Not a chance in hell.
In the mornings, when I have to get up early to drive the kids to school, I don’t bother getting dressed. I don’t have to go out to work these days, so I schlep them around in my pajamas, ragged sweats, or whatever I happen to throw on. Don’t bother brushing my hair or teeth. Certainly don’t put on any makeup. I pretty much look like a bag lady, but I don’t worry about it because I’m not going to be getting out of the car. There are times when I realize I actually need something….maybe we’re out of coffee, milk, or need stamps or cash for later in the day, and it would definitely save time, hassle and gas to stop and pick it up on the way back home. But that is never going to happen. I will not even set foot in a 7-11 looking like that.
Now, I don’t dress up most days unless I have somewhere special to go. Grocery shopping or a trip to Target only require a minimal amount of makeup, throwing my hair up in a clip and casual clothes. I can get ready to leave the house in five minutes easy, and I don’t stress about how I look. But I do make sure I’m presentable, if not glamorous or necessarily fashionable. I would not step foot out in public without at least making sure I look halfway decent. Ever. For any reason.
Now, I know that the kids working in a pizza joint or the guy at 7-11 couldn’t care less what I look like or would even pay any attention. I know there is next to no chance I would see anyone I know in any of those places. None of my friends live near me. Why should I even care if total strangers think I’m a mess and a slob? I don’t really. We’ve all seen those photos on “People of Walmart.” I realize those are normal, everyday looks for a lot of people and they just don’t give a crap. But it will never be me. It’s not even actually that I care what other people would think. It’s just that I couldn’t live with myself. I couldn’t make myself do it if I tried. It’s totally my own mind-trip.
But this is the way my twisted mind works. A drive-thru, no matter how sloppy I look or how badly dressed, is perfectly fine. I could have ratty hair, last night’s zit cream on my face and a tube top that’s stretched out to my knees and still think it’s okay to hit a drive-thru. Somehow I have convinced myself that there’s no way anybody inside could get a good enough look at me in those few minutes at the window to tell. I have pumped gas in pajamas, but only in a case of dire emergency and I’m completely mortified the whole time and will only put in about five bucks’ worth so I can get my ass back in the car ASAP.
God help you if you ever have a heart attack riding in the car with me when I’m not properly dressed. No way I’m going into a hospital with you. I’ll just cruise by the ER entrance & shove you out the door. Seriously.
And this is also why I hate Starbucks. I mean, who thinks it’s a good idea to sell coffee and then make people have to get out of the car to go in and stand in line to get it? Why the f— don’t Starbucks have drive-thrus? (I know some of them do, but very few, and none ever where I am). Don’t they lose half their potential business that way? They certainly lose mine. I die for a good pumpkin spice latté. But not enough to get out of the car in the morning.
So, I’m wondering….does anybody else have this wacky obsession, too? Or is it just me?