Ok, I know most people wait until the new year to make these kinds of life-changing resolutions, but I am into it now, so I’m going to strike while the iron is hot, or at least my motivation is momentarily charged. And hopefully, by the new year I will actually be seeing some results. If I actually manage to stick to it that long, however, will truly be a miracle.
I have no willpower whatsoever. Diets don’t work for me, nor does exercise. Mainly because the one surefire way to get me NOT to do something, is to tell me or make me feel like I’m obligated to do it. Just the way I’m wired. Rebel through and through.
For most of my life I was thin. Skinny, even. I was the scrawny kid who got picked on for being short, brainy & having chicken legs all through school. Burned into my brain is one memorable sleepover in middle school or junior high where a semi-mean girl gleefully pointed out that everybody had “Barbie doll calves” except for me. Bitch. I didn’t even have a problem losing weight after my first two kids. I bounced back in no time. But I was young then.
Not so lucky after the last two. And then middle-age hit, and there is just no going back from here. My metabolism has apparently left me in the rear-view mirror, and believe me, I am horrified by that rear view. I’m not obese or anything, and most of my friends like to tell me I’m crazy to complain, and I’m sorry if this is offensive to anyone struggling with losing a huge amount of weight. But I just don’ t feel like myself lugging around this extra 20-30 lbs.
And I’m tired of having a closet full of great clothes I love that I can no longer wear. Some of them, sadly, will never adorn my body again, as it is a fact that childbirth has widened my hips to the point of no return, short of surgery to remove my bones or something. But I really think that if I could just lose those stubborn pounds, I would be able to fit into most of them again. Please, awesome suede pants, I love you so much….please fit again. And brand-new Zara top bought on clearance that I didn’t try on (stupid) & is too tight over my boobs. I do so want to wear you.
So today is my first day of really trying to get off my ass and do something about it. I loathe exercise. Not that I always sit around on my ass like a sloth or anything. I’m running around the house, up and down the stairs, for a good part of the day every day. I enjoy getting outdoors and going hiking with my boys. I’m not exactly sedentary. But I despise doing an “exercise routine” with jumping jacks & sit-ups & weights and all that. It seriously gives me a headache, and I am so happy to have a migraine-free day, that I usually don’t want to take the chance of bringing one on by exerting myself like that.
My husband was nice enough to get me the exercise bike I wanted for Christmas a few years ago. I’m pretty sure my brother-in-law gave it to him for free because nobody at their house ever used it, if that tells you anything. I have had spells where I put in a few miles each night, parked in front of the telly. But it didn’t last too long. What I don’t like about it most is that it is one of those kind where you just sit in a big ole seat on your butt and pedal, not the SoulCycle kind, built like an actual bicycle. It doesn’t seem like I’m working out anything with it except my legs. And my legs are not my problem. They’re not fat at all. Well, maybe the thighs a bit, but they don’t show much. What I really need to work on is my abs. And just tone up overall in general. So the old exercise bike has not seen much use lately, except as a receptacle for all the clothes I’m too lazy to go hang back in the closet.
This morning I made myself get on the bike for at least 20-30 minutes or so. Not non-stop (yeah, right), but off and on while I watched the news & re-read Noman Reedus’s GQ article, which is pretty long. I can’t tell how many miles (or parts of a mile) I made it or how many calories I burned because the batteries are dead and my kids have pulled all the wires out of it, anyway. But I did pedal for a while.
Then I dug out my old Jackie Warner workout DVD and committed to the 15-minute workout. The 40-minute one? I don’t think so! I’d be dead before then. Will try to work up to it. For now, I could just barely keep pace for the 15 minutes, I had to cheat on a few of the exercises, and now wish to die. I know I will be regretting all this in the morning when the soreness in my muscles will make me feel like I was run over by a truck. But this time I’m not going to let that stop me permanently, like usual. I will power through and work out again. Well, maybe the day after tomorrow.
Breakfast was one honeycrisp apple. Ok, and two cups of coffee with flavored creamer, if I must be honest. I cannot give up my coffee. But they were out of the Pumpkin Spice creamer at the store last night & that’s my weakness. I had to settle for the gingerbread latte, but it’s not quite as good, and once that’s gone I’m going back to using just almond milk and stevia. I swear.
I don’t really eat badly. I’m mostly healthy. Although I do have a few downfalls. Cokes, which I’ve been limiting to one or two per day, and will try to keep to just one. Bread. But I’m okay with whole wheat. And I tend to graze on things the kids leave lying around the house, like a cookie or piece of Halloween candy here and there. Gotta watch that. Is cheese terribly fattening? I don’t think I can live without cheese. And I have a weakness for prosciutto and pancetta and pasta….aaagghhh…Italian food will be the death of me. But I also love Mexican & that’s much better, so I will try to rely mainly on that. Rice and black beans are awesome. With some cheese.
So that’s a good start, right? I’m good at good starts and intentions, though. Follow-through is what I lack. So I figured that if I post my progress on here and update it regularly, then maybe I will feel more accountable to keep it up. We’ll see.
Starting stats: Weight: 135 is the best I could do today (my scale weighs differently depending on where I put it on the bathroom floor) & I’m pissed, because I thought I had it down to 130. Too many York Peppermint Patties & mini Snickers, I guess…damn Halloween. No matter what I do, I always seem to fluctuate between 130-140. But like I said, I don’t ever do much, so I’m hoping to break that barrier if I really try. But I also waited till almost noon to weigh & was partially clothed, so maybe that accounts for a few pounds. Did you know that we weigh more as the day goes on? So I always try to do it first thing in the morning for the best results. And naked. Not even a hair clip or jewelry…….who knows how much those could add? And after peeing, of course, so no extra water weight.
Will keep you posted on how this goes. I can already predict tomorrow: AAAUUUGGHHH…never, ever again. But check back on Thursday if you care to see if I make it through to the next round. 🙂 And if anyone would like to join me on my quest and leave some comments regarding your own progress, it would be nice to have some buddies to help keep each other motivated.