The Adventures of Mr. Man

Found the following saved on my computer. It’s a book by my 10-year-old. Enjoy. Had to share. The kid is weird (like me) but so much better!

The Adventures Of Mr. Man

Book 1 #SWAG

 By Duncan

Chapter 1

It was 7:58 in some guy’s closet, Mr. Man was eating too much chocolate.  He went to see his mommy and she put a band-aid on him.  What he didn’t know was how fat he was.  He weighed 7 pounds on Weight Losers which is a show for fat people.

His mommy was a bag of chips.  Oh wait, never mind, it’s a sausage.  OOOOOOOOO he’s a Pokeman!  So his mommy was all like “Get out of my room you sausage!”, And I was all like “whatever noob.”  Then I died on Minecraft by a potato and I was all like “whatevs.”

Mr. Man was eating cookies when- A MAGIC PINEAPPLE APPEARED!  “OMG YOU TOTAL NOOB!” he shrieked.

Than he used his evil magical pineapple powers and electrocuted Mr. Man!  Luckily Mr. Man has a thick layer of rubber surrounding his body.  Than the magic pineapple disappeared and left behind a sausage.  But the sausage was all like “Noob alert, noob alert, noob alert!”

Mr. Man was really angry because if he ate the sausage he would go around saying “Noob alert!”  And he was really hungry.  Luckily he still had canned beans in the toilet.  So he sat through the cold night in a dark corner eating cold, wet beans.

It was now 8:26 in some guy’s closet,  Mr. man was still eating his beans at the break of dawn.  His mom was eating chicken nuggets in bed while going on Facebook posting crap about stuff no one cares about.

His mom bragged about having 27 friends on Facebook.  And she has 1 follower on Instagram and I’m pretty sure all she uses Twitter for is to re-post cat pictures/videos.  Oh and she uses Google+ to post stuff about her address, where she sleeps, what she’s eating, how much she’s farted in the past 3 days, and posting videos about her getting eaten by whales.  On Reddit she just puts crappy pictures of people farting on there… WHAT?!

Mr. Man was bored, REAL bored… he was cuckoo- I mean coco- I mean cuckoo- I mean hungry for Cocoa Crispies.  His mom was all mad that he ate all the milk when he wanted to see what a soggy waffle tasted like.  That was NOT pleasant.  I’ve been thinking whats 2+2?

But enough of this random nonsense it’s time to learn the Adventures of Stanely the Magic Pine-  oops, I mean The Advcntures of Pokemans!

It was now 9:05 in some guy’s closet, what Mr. Man was about to see was butt exploding- literally, butt exploding.  Everyone’s butts where going BOOM!

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