And, They’re Off! Project Runway, Season 14 Premier Recap

pr14-ep1-episode1

Season 14, begins in Madison Square Garden, with Heidi in a luscious hot fuschia and black leather pantsuit. I want to know who designed that. Is that spelled wrong? Fuschia? Well, what is it then, spellcheck, you bastard? Fuchsia? No. That looks like a dirty word. That can’t be right, can it? Huh. I never misspell words. Well, fuchsia me.

First off, I’m disturbed by the setting. Oh please, don’t let the first challenge have anything to do with sports. Okay, no, they just have to run through the stadium seats to snatch up their fabric. Okay, whew. I don’t mean to be bitchy again, already, but honestly, this seems to put Ashley at a distinct disadvantage, which she admits herself. Doesn’t really seem fair. I mean, I’ve been in those kinds of places; it’s nearly impossible to squeeze between those rows of seats for anyone. I just feel bad for her. Seems like the producers should have thought of this, or weirdly, that they did and that’s why they did it. Mean.

I’m not going to lay out the whole episode, because you’ve obviously watched the show, right? So you don’t need me to dictate it to you. At this point, we don’t really know them and there’s no drama going on yet, so that would be pretty boring. So I’m just going to stick to the highlights of what stuck out and made an impression on me.

In the workroom, Tim is highly disturbed that three designers did not bring their tool kits. Does this happen on every season? Are they always supposed to bring their own stuff, and nobody has ever shown up empty-handed before? Huh. News to me. Although, I would assume if I were a designer I would want to work with my own things.

They’re mostly all sharing nicely and giving each other critiques and constructive criticism and everyone seems to be getting along. Until Merline starts singing. Oh my Lord, how did nobody stab her in the back with the pair of scissors she had to borrow? She is annoying everyone, even me, and I’m not trying to work. This woman needs to go – quick. I don’t think the niceness is going to last very long with her around.

Okay, the best parts of the night were the commercial breaks. First Tim and Heidi trying to play basketball. LMAO…did you see Tim trying to dribble? What a dork (and I mean that with all respect, natch).

Chris Donovan shoes

Then the only designs I was truly impressed and bowled over by the entire night were Chris Donovan’s shoes. Works of art, truly. I am so floored that this is something he just started doing. Wow. Where can we buy them? OMG…link to his amazing shoe museum: Chris Donovan’s Shoe Museum.

Okay, back to the workroom. Duncan is making some shiny pink drapey thing. Yikes! He is no Rami. I am scared by this look. Ashley’s skirt looks decent to me, but then she’s questioning herself and getting questionable advice from Duncan. I think she should go with her gut and not worry about what anybody else thinks.

Tim comes in and seems to like the pink monstrosity. What? Am I that wrong? It looks like a horrid mess to me, but if Tim says it’s good, then it must be. And everybody else is raving about it, too. Have I lost my marbles?

Nobody else is getting a very good critique. Ouch – Tim calls Edmond’s dress “the antithesis of joy.” And he’s not wrong. It’s awful. I don’t know what Merline’s got going on, but thank you, Tim, for correcting her that the fabric is called muslin, not Muslim. LOL. Kelly’s pattern doesn’t match up and Tim says it looks amateur.

I actually like Swapnil’s strappy top in this fabric. Hah – he says he doesn’t like to be rushed! Tim points out that he’s in the wrong place, then. Jake has an ugly dress full of messy pleats and Tim says Amanda’s top looks contrived and Hanmiao has the wrong fabric for what she’s trying to do and her vest is droopy. He says they all have a big lump of coal up their rear ends and they need to shit diamonds. Tim didn’t actually say shit, but that’s what he meant.

After the next break, Blake is hating his dress. I have to say, I’m disappointed. It’s a sad copy of the amazingness he showed before. And I hate the print. But he’s keeping it anyway. Edmond’s made a new dress, and it looks much better. Kelly started over too, and is proud of her new look, but it looks like kind of a basic little sundress to me. Merline seems to have a big mess and is just running around like crazy. Laurie, the one who wanted to be all classy and ladylike, has made a skintight dress with the skirt completely open all up one side. Half that model’s crotch and ass are going to be showing. That’s classy? Ashley’s outfit is looking great.

Runway time.

Blake

Blake’s dress is okay, but again, disappointing after the great things I expected of him. Yeah, it looks like a circus costume. Or the tent.

Amanda

Amanda has a kind of cute little dress with some interesting trim, but it’s just okay. And I really hate that handkerchief hem thing. So over it.

Laurie

Laurie’s hoochy dress is icky.

Hanmaio

Hanmaio – I don’t even know what to think. I don’t know what this is supposed to be.

Swapnil

Swapnil’s dress is quite nice if you like that sort of thing, but nothing show-stopping about it.

Duncan

Duncan – I’m still thinking WTF? It looks awful to me, but Tim and everybody else loved it.

Edmond

Edmond’s dress I love. The way the yellow pops out from the back looks amazing. This is the kind of minimalism I like. It’s simple, but still exciting. I’d love to wear this. Yay for him!

Merline

Merline, surprisingly, has a very interesting look. It’s too conservative and not really something I’d wear, but the architectural details are very intriguing. It is like a work of art to look at. How’d she pull that off?

Lindsey

Lindsey’s model looks like she went shopping at American Eagle and picked out this cute little print playsuit. Yawn. Really? This is supposed to be fashion.

David

I love David’s dress. It’s very interesting and different. He should be one on top.

Charles

Joseph’s outfit is okay. It’s very unexpected from him, being all light and pastel. Not exciting to me, but well made and fits perfectly, of course.

Kelly

Kelly’s dress is better than I thought. It’s got some interesting details. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it. Well, I do hate those weird straps. And a handkerchief hem again? At least it works better here, and adds some interest to the dress.

Jake

Jake is probably going home for that dress. It’s just a simple strapless dress with wrinkly, messy pleats. And the fabric is hideous. This looks like a cloth napkin from Pier One was made into a dress.

Gabrielle

Then I see Gabrielle’s and maybe she’s the one going home. I can see she tried to make something cool, but the execution is terrible. The fit is all off and it doesn’t look sewn well.

Candice

Candice’s dress looks like she tried too hard. Too much going on. At least it’s not all black and not leather. But that weird half-peplum only in the back thing freaks me out.

Ashley

I love Ashley’s look. The skirt and top are both adorable, and she obviously had no problem in fitting this model, so shame on me for doubting her skills. It’s very cute. The only thing I could say is maybe the skirt is just a teeny bit too long, but maybe not.

So they call out Ashley, Hanmaio, Blake, Edmond, Duncan and Merline. Obviously, Ashley’s going to be on top, and I think Edmond, too. Hanmaio should be on the bottom, and unfortunately, I have a feeling Blake is, as well. I think his ego’s about to get knocked down a notch or two. Now I’m worried, because I think they’re probably going to like Merline’s. Which means Duncan’s on the bottom. Noooo!!!! I knew it! I hate that I was right about how bad it was. Why the eff did Tim Gunn tell him it was good? Was everybody in that workroom deliberately blowing smoke up his ass and setting him up to lose? How uncool. Now I’m pissed at Tim.

Yup, they love Ashley, Merline and Edmond, although Zac has to make kind of a snide crack about his not being anything unique and that dumb SI model, whoever she is, says she doesn’t like the pop of yellow. That’s what makes the whole dress, dummy. It would be nothing without it. They call Hanmaio’s a fail. Well, yeah. Zac sums it up as picnic, monk, maternity. Heidi makes Blake look dumb by making him say he thinks he’s on the top, and they saying, oh no, you’re not. Bitchy move. They tell him it’s too much, and tortured. And of course, they let poor Duncan have it. They say it’s obvious this is his first attempt at draping. A salmon toga, says Nina. It totally is. He literally just threw that fabric around his model and let it hang there. I’m so sad.

Duncan’s dress is awful, but there were worse things on the runway. I don’t understand why Jake and Gabrielle are not on the bottom. I would have put both of them lower than Duncan and even Hanmaio. I can’t believe they’re safe.

Of course, Ashley wins. We all knew that was coming. Merline probably deserved it more, for her uniqueness and structured detailing, but Ashley made a very pretty outfit, and I can’t say she didn’t deserve it. I’m very happy for her, and glad she proved herself. I hope she has more confidence going forward. Despite not liking what she showed in the audition, I now think she’s going to do great here.

After an exxxxtra loooong pause in which they make us all excruciatingly hold our breaths –

Nooo!!!!! I can’t believe they sent Duncan home instead of Hanmaio. I felt bad for her, but I liked him much better. And I still think it should have been Jake or Gabrielle out. Yes, his dress was a big old mess, but I really wanted to see what else he could do, much more than her. I’m so mad at Tim Gunn for egging him on and then not sticking up for him during the judges’ critique. And then he’s all fakey when he hugs him and says he didn’t see that coming. What a bastard. Never thought I’d say that about Tim. Now I’m not a bit sorry for calling him a dork and making fun of his lack of dribbling skills. You suck at basketball, Tim. And tonight, at mentoring, too. What an unusual feeling to end the episode on. I’m very unsettled and probably won’t be able to sleep.

Well, at least next week looks like fun. Dresses made of Hallmark cards. I love the unconventional challenge! See you there.

All photos borrowed from Project Runway website at MyLifetime.com, except for Chris Donovan’s shoes, from his incredible shoe museum, link above.

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4 thoughts on “And, They’re Off! Project Runway, Season 14 Premier Recap

    • Thanks! I’m so glad you liked it. I only caught a bit of the debate, as I had more important things to do, i.e., get ready for Project Runway! Definitely watch. I think it’ll be a good season.

      Like

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