The Great Kini Roast: Project Runway Recap, Finale Part One, Season 13, Episode 13

So here we are with the final fab four. Heidi & Tim come out hand & hand to give them the rundown. The designers are going to be allotted $9,000 and only five weeks to come up with a 10-piece collection. That’s not much time. I may be mistaken, because I never paid that much attention before, but I feel like they got several months to design their Fashion Week collections in past seasons. Am I wrong about this?

I don’t know who made that dress Heidi is wearing, but it makes her look pregnant. Something about the placement of the black in between all the colored snake prints….it just looks like her tummy’s sticking out. And I don’t think she’s pregnant again, is she? I really don’t think so. Bad choice of dress.

Kini is now saying that he can’t believe he made it to Fashion Week. What? He’s been saying all along that he was definitely going to make it. Why is he trying to act surprised now?

To get inspiration for Fashion Week, Tim is taking the four designers off for a whirlwind three-day trip to Rome. They’re all acting shocked by this, too. Haven’t they ever watched the show before? Char says she’s never been out of the country before. And yet, she miraculously has a passport overnight. Come on. This was a surprise for nobody. The surprising part should be that they get to go to Italy….to stay in a Best Western! They got screwed with that advertiser placement. Too bad Project Runway doesn’t run commercials for the Majestic Rome or St. Regis Grand.

The best part of the Roman trip is finding out that Tim Gunn’s true calling in life may actually have been as a historian. It’s amazing how much Roman history he’s able to impart. The Coliseum was filled with water for naval battles? Wow…never knew that. He points out the area where Caesar is said to have been stabbed and it inspires Sean….apparently to draw a portrait of Caesar. Ok, but you need to make clothes, Sean!

I guess the producers have been paying attention to everyone’s complaints about Char because the trip seems to be focused on her. Over  a lovely lunch in an outdoor Roman café, Tim says he brings this up “only in a supportive way,” but asks Char how it feels to be the only one never to have won a challenge. Nice, Tim! Char’s cool about it, though & says she just feels gratitude. Sean has the best quote of the night when he says after this is all over Char should go and buy a Lotto ticket! No kidding!

Then they have to have a special moment where Char asks Tim why he saved her and he says wonderful heartfelt things about how great he thinks her collection will be. Okay…we get it already. Tim Gunn does not simply make PC saves, all you web commenters, so knock it off! LOL!

They finish up their trip with a visit to an Italian fabric store. Amanda spends a small fortune because she wants Italian fabric. Kini & Sean pass because they want to wait until they figure out their designs first. Char hesitates over buying some fabulous, but expensive fabric. Tim says if she goes home with it, it will make him happy, so she goes for it. In her one-on-one interview she’s got that Rosie the Riveter look going on again, with the big head wrap/hair bow thing & denim shirt. I really hope she didn’t wear that in Rome.

The next thing we see is Tim visiting Kini in Hawaii. He says he’s been blocked and shockingly, hasn’t finished his collection. But from what I can see, what he has made looks great. I love every piece he showed Tim. I’m crazy about that shredded denim skirt. I’d say Kini’s in it for the win. The only thing that concerns me is I don’t see any color at all, just black and white. Although he says it’s mostly denim, so maybe that’s indigo & white. Kini’s family hosts a luau for Tim and he awkwardly tries to learn to hula. Seeing Kini’s mom and all of his aunts & female relatives at the luau, now I know where he gets his affinity for dresses with one sleeve.

And now we’re in Detroit to visit Char and her family at a waterfront park. Usually during the home visits, I get all sappy & teary over everyone’s background and conflicted over who I want to win. I didn’t really get that this season, although of them all, Char obviously had the most to overcome. So if you’re into rooting for the underdog, that’s her from every perspective. Char’s collection looks okay. I’m not wowed by it. The turquoise dress is interesting, but not really my style. I’m also not feeling that white ruffle-y dress. They’re just a  bit too foofy & fussy for me. And I truly loathe that gown with the feathered bottom that Tim says looks like it was attacked by birds. I hope she takes that critique to heart. The one look I like is the sleeveless vest with the train and the pants.  For some reason they don’t show us any of the looks made with the $1,000 Italian fabric, and that’s what I really wanted to see. Tim says he’s concerned about cohesion. I agree. Don’t see how any of these looks really go together.

In Nashville, Amanda has some cool-looking designs underway. I think I like what she’s doing, although it’s a bit hard to tell. She seems to have a million different ideas…screen printing….fringe….jewelry making….something with Muppets? The jewelry she’s making looks awesome. Tim says there’s too much going on and she needs to rein it in. Can Amanda scale it down? She’s not sure she’ll feel happy without all the “bells and whistles.” We’ll see. She takes Tim to visit her sweet hipster husband and their 100-year-old house, but we only get to see the front porch since she doesn’t invite him inside and all the shades are pulled down tight. Did she forget to clean up or something?

And then we’re back in New York (Williamsburg) to see Sean’s new studio. His collection is based on the betrayal of Caesar. He has some kind of plain striped pants suits, then a black jumpsuit and then a great orange & white fringed skirt, similar to Heidi’s Emmy look. He says he’s worried about Nina saying she didn’t want to see fringe again, but then he decided “Nina’s not the Dictator of Fashion” (are you sure about that?) and she can’t tell him what to do. Huh. Tim says he thinks it’s really two separate collections and that he should ditch those first striped looks and go wild with the fringe. Thank God, because I wasn’t really feeling those boring striped pieces myself.

One week later, the designers meet up for Fashion Week. Wait, they only  have one week after Tim’s critiques to finish up their collections? Yikes. This time they’re staying at the fabulous New York Palace, which puts the Best Western to shame.

Next day in the workroom, they’re checking out each other’s looks. Sean took Tim’s advice to heart and has apparently done fringe on every look. Wow, we’ll see how that goes over. I see halter tops, pencil skirts and drapey blouses on Char’s rack. Sigh.

Amanda & Char are still working on last-minute finishes, but Kini says he’s bored and that this all seems too easy to him. Those words are going to come back to bite you , Kini. Although apparently, despite rumors to the contrary, his collection did make in to New York intact. I love what I see and he doesn’t seem to be worrying about anything not being there.

Tim comes in to announce that the judges want to see a three-look preview and they all pretend to be shocked again. Again, do they expect us to believe they’ve never watched previous seasons of this show? So stupid to pretend this is news to them.

So the previews hit the runway for the judges. Amanda has three maxi dresses. They’re okay. I like the first look with the brown patchwork skirt and the third blue dress with the amazing jewelry, but the middle dress just looks like a throwaway.

I like Sean’s three looks a lot. The white drapey Roman gown is great, although I’m not so sure about the fringe in the back. Kind of looks like an orange horse tail. The black jumpsuit is great and that orange and white fringed skirt is breathtaking when it moves. I like the simple crisp white top with it, too.

OMG, Char made shorts and a drapey backless blouse (surprise, surprise) out of that super-expensive Italian fabric. I want to kick her. Then she’s got her stupid halter top/pencil skirt look. Ick. The striped thing is kind of cute, but what is it? A beach cover up?

Kini’s collection is fantastic. I die for that first white top with the big sleeves and the pleated skirt. Incredible. I love the shredded denim on the second top and I like the coat. It’s all very Kini. Perfection. He should just win right now, I think. But what do the judges think?

First up for critiques – Sean. They’re very positive, overall. Heidi raves about it. Zac likes the fringe and everything else. Only Nina is worried about the fringe and asks outright, “How much fringe is there?” Sean says “Enough.” Ha! Nina thinks he’s relying too much on one thing. He thinks he might try to make another non-fringe look.

Heidi says Char’s collection is not cohesive, but she says with a straight face that she likes all three of these looks. Sheesh. Nina tells her straight out that she hates the middle look (the halter/pencil skirt) and to lose it. Thank you!!! Zac compliments the striped look. The judges make a great point when they say that the styling is off and that Char needs to give them some of her own funkiness. Exactly! That’s what bugs me most about her, I think. Char always looks amazing, in fact, what struck me most during Tim’s visit to Detroit was just how incredibly beautiful she is. I love what she wears, and surely she makes most of her own clothes. That camo peplum jacket is awesome. Why can’t she make clothes like that for other people?

They like Amanda’s looks. Zac says to pile on the jewelry and Nina says it makes the clothes look more expensive. Heidi wants to buy all of them. They agree with me and tell her to get rid of that boring middle dress. Amanda says she will turn it into something rocker-chic.

And then the weirdest thing happens. They rip Kini apart! Seriously. I don’t understand what’s not to like here. Okay, I get that the styling is probably not the best. Yes, with the purses and the shoes and the heavy makeup, I can see where Heidi says they look kind of old lady. And nobody likes that coat. Well, I think we have seen that from him before, so maybe I understand that. But the rest of the clothes are wonderful. How are they not complimenting him? Poor Kini. I think they have made him think he has to re-do his whole collection. In fact, I think they actually said that. And that, to me, is just crazy. Kini is understandably freaking out, and we leave him wondering how he is supposed to make a whole new collection in one day. So this what happens to Kini. He doesn’t lose his collection, he’s just supposed to re-make it for the judges’ whims.

WTF??? Well that settled one thing for me for sure. Now I know I only want Kini to win.

Waiting impatiently to see how this all comes out……

…….Although you know, the more I think about it…with all of this trumped-up unnecessary drama, it has to mean Kini is the winner in the end. They’re obviously trying to make us think he won’t, because it’s so obvious from seeing these collections that his is the best. I will fall down dead of shock if he doesn’t win.